@Cpin42: My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
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@EndhooS: [Job interview] Me: [thinking] I hope he doesn't notice the mustard on my shirt Interviewer: [thinking] Is he eating a fkn hotdog?
@TheToddWilliams: [boss's office] BOSS: Do you like my fire place? ME: Actually, it's one word: "fireplace" BOSS: You're fired ME: Oh, I get it now
@ericsshadow: ATTORNEY: my client would like to confess ME: i sell human organs on the black market JUDGE [who needs a kidney transplant]: tell me more
@Elizasoul80: Some dude just called me an idiot for not agreeing with him. What he doesn't know is I've been calling myself that since we started talking.