@Cpin42: My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
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@NeighborGrumpy: 3 - DAD! HEY DAD! Me: Don't yell from the door son! Walk here and talk to me 3 - *walks over* 3 - I stepped in dog poop, what should I do?
@Jake_Vig: HER: We need to talk. ME: No one actually NEEDS to talk. HER: … ME: I assume we need to talk longer now.
@Darlainky: -That toaster oven looks worn out. Why are you still using it? -Sentimental attachment. -It just caught fire. -Aww, just like old times.
@ArfMeasures: JUDGE: So to be clear, you're pleading not guilty to stealing the child's shoes? ME: [heelies up to the mic] That's correct