@philefanaddict: The babysitter wanted $25.00 an hour this weekend, so I just bought my kid an iPad instead.
@starwarsshirt: "Getting fat" is absolutely a legitimate response to "what have you been up to?"
@MelKassel: GENIE 1: he wanted money so i made him a bank robber, ha
GENIE 2: i just...gave mine money
GENIE 1: LMAO YOU GUYS, JERRY JUST GAVE IT TO HIM
@PinkCamoTO: *planning family vacation*
Me: So what about camping?
Them: We love camping!
Me: Great! I'll drop you off on my way to the spa.
@AmericanGent69: Me: I'm nervous for my date.
Friend: Just exaggerate to impress her
{during date}
Her: What's something you're proud of?
Me: I invented milk
COMMENTS