@DaHess1: My wife and I do this cute thing where she sends me pics of kitchen towels she can't decide on buying and I google my life expectancy.
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@SteveSuckington: Her: "Add insult to injury why don't you" Me: "Your broken leg looks fat in that cast"
@squirrel74wkgn: If my wife comes to bed nude it's ON, but when it's me at the end of the bed naked she's all "what are you doin, we're at Mattress City."
@CM2BTTHD: The best defense against auto theft is not The Club. It's 65 empty water bottles in the back seat and a rear window full of stuffed animals.