@DaHess1: My wife and I do this cute thing where she sends me pics of kitchen towels she can't decide on buying and I google my life expectancy.
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@djdarrellripley: Me: What happened to all the bourbon? Her: Oh, I put it in the chicken. Me: Then pour me a glass of chicken.
@Sean_Burgundy_: My gf always tells me to shower her with compliments, but when I woke her up with the hose while calling her beautiful she yelled at me
@Love_bug1016: What separates the men from the boys is knowing that women love it when they show off their big throbbing manners and intelligence.
@HomeWithPeanut: I have a solar eclipse every two minutes inside my living room ever since my toddler learned how to open & close the blinds.