@matt_simpson84: My wife and I have an ongoing game called "Wipe Boogers on Stuff in the House" that she doesn't know we are playing
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@LoveNLunchmeat: All of my best fantasies include a French maid. She cleans the house while I nap.
@vincevangone: I am "knows everything about Aardvarks because Mom bought an encyclopedia," years old.
@davetureq: Ever since they started calling pole dancers "artists," I've been writing on my resume that my talents include "moving in artistic circles."