@matt_simpson84: My wife and I have an ongoing game called "Wipe Boogers on Stuff in the House" that she doesn't know we are playing
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@murrman5: [walking around still disappointed 6 hours after visiting an aquarium] wife: what did you think a tiger shark was, brent
@warne888: When you're at someone's house? Normal people: "What a lovely house!" Me: "What's your wifi password?"
@RadioShorty: So let me get this right. The guys on big bang theory are super smart scientific nerds, yet their elevator is broken?!
@TattleTSister: I can never understand why people act surprised when horrible things happen. Where have you been since birth?