@samfromks: My wife and I have been dieting together for a week so it'd probably be safer for me to come home smelling like perfume than a Snickers bar.
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@iamspacegirl: [Biblical Times] God: oh shit Angel: what? God: I just realized I've been leaning on the frog button.
@treywafer: Dear white people: you stop Adam Sandler from making movies and we'll stop Eddie Murphy.
@MissNaughty1801: 7y: mummy, how long have you been married to daddy? Me: 7 years 7y: how long have you got left?