@samfromks: My wife and I have been dieting together for a week so it'd probably be safer for me to come home smelling like perfume than a Snickers bar.
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@splendidcynic: I don't really pay much attention to politics so basically what I'm asking is, does anyone know if it's still illegal to sell kids on eBay?
@KevinFarzad: "I have $50, less than an hour, and a ton of cocaine. Let's make a commercial!" - every furniture store owner
@heyjaywolff: "Alexa, lock the door" - me to my friend alexa because computers locking doors is LITERALLY HOW TERMINATOR STARTED