@JKNenagh: My wife and I use the pull-out method of birth control where we pull out our phones and ignore each other every night
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@Fred_Delicious: [g/friends dad] "who in your opinion is the greatest football player of all time?" Me - [say a real name say a real name] "Football Man"
@krissywillbretz: Me: In high school I was voted most likely to cut my own bangs with safety scissors. Interviewer: I meant any professional achievements.
@MatCro: My girlfriend just got the definition of mansplaining wrong and now I don't know what to do.