@JKNenagh: My wife and I use the pull-out method of birth control where we pull out our phones and ignore each other every night
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@Beesthegame: "Can someone call me a doctor?!" You're a doctor. "Please I'm losing my patience!" You're a terrible doctor.
@KeetPotato: me: "im confused, run that by me again" doctor: "you do not need to bring your cat to the hospital, that's just what we call the machine"
@RodneyH42: A study shows that 50% of adults would fail an 8th grade math exam The other 40% of us would rock that shit
@BlindChow: "That'll be $19.94." *pulls out $50 bill* "Sorry, we've had a problem with counterfeit bills. Have anything smaller?" *pulls out $25 bill*