@JKNenagh: My wife and I use the pull-out method of birth control where we pull out our phones and ignore each other every night
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@internetluke: [talking with counselor] I don't "know" what "she" means that I "use" excessive air quotes
@Brampersandon_: OCTOPUS: *places tentacle on Bible* JUDGE: Do u swear to tell the truth? O: Yes BAILIFF: *spends like 8 minutes trying to get Bible unstuck*
@sincir3000: Boss: tomorrow is pajama day at work. Me: I don't wear pajamas B: just wear whatever you sleep in M: ok, you asked for it.