@JKNenagh: My wife and I use the pull-out method of birth control where we pull out our phones and ignore each other every night
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@ThisOneSayz: *coworker stares at me as I unpack lunch* Me: leave CW: why? Me: I'm never bringing a banana to work again, okay Todd!?!?
@KKAlThani: Sometimes I get take out sushi and eat it at an aquarium just to remind the fish who's boss.