@byrdie_num_num: My wife and I used to describe our marriage as 'forever', now we both prefer the term 'ad nauseam'.
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@murrman5: [reeling in big fish and turns to friend] you got the net? "yes" ok, google how to get this thing in the boat
@iCumBl00d: Why do they hand out Kleenex at funerals if you're not supposed to jerk off in the back row
@A_SternMan: [interview] Your résumé says you have a "take no prisoners attitude". You know you are applying to be a corrections officer, right?