@byrdie_num_num: My wife and I used to describe our marriage as 'forever', now we both prefer the term 'ad nauseam'.
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@BCMontgo: Sir, you can't walk up to the drive through window. [45 minutes later] *gallops up to window on stick horse*
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Me: Can't wait to sit on my front porch with my black cat and frighten children. Coworker: I love Halloween. Me: I meant after work today.
@dumbbeezie: "You ruined everything." -People exaggerating when you only ruined like one or two things, tops
@Tmoney68: When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.