@echoVista: "My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met."
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@DadandBuried: Take me down to Vatican City where the church loves greed and the Pope's all quitty! - Nuns N' Moses (I'm so sorry)
@lindseyallen: Hate eating nachos with someone at the theater and our fingers touch. Especially if I don't know them, and they don't know we're sharing.
@bourgeoisalien: I stop strangers from talking by smelling their hair & saying,"You smell like Pa. Pa loved his wood chipper. Never did find them drifters."
@click4amanda: Officer: "Do you know why I'm standing here?" Me: "You got all C's in High School?"