@TheBoydP: My wife asked me if I was going to take a shower before we go to some friend's house for the evening like she didn't see me get in the pool.
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@im_not_smug: Coworker: That's a stupid song Me: Your face is stupid Coworker: Way to be mature Me: YOUR FACE IS MATURE!!
@SondraDeeMe: I was told my $750 iPhone would improve the quality of my phone calls, but my family keeps calling telling me the same shit.