@causticbob: My wife asked me today if I would ever cheat on her. I replied, "Who else would I cheat on?"
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@iRowlf: When my son loses his 1st tooth, Im putting $1 under his pillow and a note that says "I'll be back with a hammer for the rest. -Tooth Fairy"
@dvoted_hubsand: I cant use facebook cuz everyone making popular comment I wish I thought of first, like "thank God it Friday!" or "Im pregnant of baby"
@flashember: [Spain, 1578] "I'm not a witch!" But all the cats? "My pets!" The broom? "For cleaning!" The cauldron of boiling children? "Ok I'm a witch."