@causticbob: My wife asked me today if I would ever cheat on her. I replied, "Who else would I cheat on?"
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@SteveSuckington: A letter to Paul from the Corinthians: Hey sup Paul. This is the Corinthians. This is my new number
@Gooooats: That will be $6.34, and would you like to donate a dollar to the children's hospital or do you prefer being judged by a Taco Bell employee?
@wickedsuga: Boy giraffe: You wanna? Girl giraffe: Ok, but kiss my neck first. Boy giraffe: But Babe, we only have 3 hours!
@AudreyPorne: him: what do u wanna be? me: I wanna be a cat that transforms into a misty fog when people try to pet me him: wtf, I meant for Halloween?