@KalvinMacleod: My wife asked me what new hairstyle she should get, so I held my breath until I passed out.
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@nickmullen: I'm not religious but I'm spiritual, which means I think the mothman prophecy is real and I don't feel bad about shoplifting
@AnkCoupleTO: [doing crossword] Me: I'm looking for a word that means slight pause Her: Hiatus? Me: *erasing 'our sex life'* thanks
@SteveKoehler22: When your wife asks you to dig a hole for her shrub- She'll feel threatened if you make it large enough to hold a body. I know this now.
@theshamingofjay: Exclamation point rules ! - good !! - excited !!! - awesome !!!! - starting to get creepy !!!!! - cheerleader creepy !!!!!! - own 20 cats