@simoncholland: My wife asks me to remind her about stuff. That way if she forgets something, it's my fault.
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@HeyJennyConway: My thoughts are as pure as snow... after the trucks have driven hard and plowed through it.
@Vodkantots: Him: Tell me something interesting about yourself. Me: If my head got run over by a truck, it would explode like a watermelon.