@simoncholland: My wife asks me to remind her about stuff. That way if she forgets something, it's my fault.
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@Dawn_M_: I don't know why a dingo would steal a baby when you can steal cool stuff like rollerblades.
@deardilettante: I'm meeting a man I really like for drinks. If I play my cards right, he'll be deleting my number in a few hours.
@FinallyHeSleeps: Nothing freaks out people like unblinking eye contact in a public restroom. Especially when you do it from underneath the stall divider.