@Cheeseboy22: My wife bought 24 Hostess cupcakes for my son to take to school tomorrow for his birthday treat. I didn't know that's what they were for. I hope 8 kids are absent tomorrow.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 7-year-old: I don't want mashed potatoes. Me: They're just like French fries. 7: Then give me French fries. There's a flaw in her logic, but I can't find it.
@CharlieDontSrf: If I were an old Chinese man I would never say anything, just nod and laugh strategically to freak people out
@JustMeTurtle: [Job Interview] Interviewer: Please, call me Yuri, let’s get right to it, have you ever committed a crime? Me: Yes, I stole a penny from my mom’s swear jar, it was the Crime of the Cent, Yuri.