@iwearaonesie: my wife can find a stain on my shirt from across the room but can't see the mailbox when she's backing up?
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@Freeman4all33: It was so cold UN weapons inspectors suddenly decided that chemical weapons might be hidden in Hawaii
@murrman5: [phone w/ son while in bank thats being robbed] in case this goes bad, go to google on the iPad and delete "can owls fly" before mom sees it
@IamEnidColeslaw: if Lindsay Lohan can call herself an artist, I can call myself a german shepherd
@sixthformpoet: A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.