@iwearaonesie: my wife can find a stain on my shirt from across the room but can't see the mailbox when she's backing up?
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@KirstenCatClub: [God Creating Raccoons] God: make a panda but a trash panda, then give it a mask so that people would know it will kill them for their food
@SortaBad: Me: goodnight moon Moon: It's 6pm Me: I know but I'm tired Moon: I literally just got here
@murrman5: *opens fortune cookie* there's rice on your face *grabs wifes and opens it* still there *grabs one from next table* I can do this all night
@TheDairylandDon: Started playing with the self-retracting cord on my vacuum to find out how much weight it can pull; long story short, I'm Batman now.