@iwearaonesie: my wife can find a stain on my shirt from across the room but can't see the mailbox when she's backing up?
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@theevilwriter: When I was a kid my family was so poor my parents were forced to give my imaginary friend up for adoption.
@MUMSIEesq: 3YO: Why do I have to share a room with my twin sister? ME: Because we only anticipated having one of you.
@SnizzleFrizzle: I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish. *I'm not even high.
@Go2Slp: Mufasa didn't die, he just went out for a pack of smokes and a newspaper. - The Lyin' King