@iwearaonesie: my wife can find a stain on my shirt from across the room but can't see the mailbox when she's backing up?
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@215potter: Thank god my brother's getting his PhD, I was running out of ways to disappoint my parents.
@ibid78: Dating tip: to impress your date, put a napkin on your lap. Along with your plate. And the table. And the waiter. You're now the restaurant.
@GrumpyComments: Tip for drowning your enemies: Paint pictures of people yawning on the bottom of their swimming pool.