@tastefactory: My wife caught me looking at a seagull at the beach so now we're in this big fight.
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@kevinseccia: Gonna pay my grandma $100 to slip "Syrian Refugee 1 and 2" onto the Thanksgiving seating chart to piss off my uncles.
@Plurprincess_1: I bought a pair of Undies yesterday. On the front it says, "I Will do Anything For Love" ..and on the back it says, "But I Won't do That."
@Gooooats: Me: I heard you like men with a huge collection of words that they know and can say. Her: A vocabulary? Me: A what?
@GingerAtLaw: No no, I'm not going to pay for these hot wings, I discovered them and you JUST GOT COLUMBUSED