@KentWGraham: My wife celebrates Christmas on December 26th. That’s when she returns everything I bought her and gets what she wants.
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@DonQuickoats: I don't even know how my dog can even think how I might fall for the notion someone else tore apart my shoe
@jrsalzman: Twitter has taught me a couple things. First, there are some incredibly brilliant people in the world. Second, they are vastly outnumbered.
@Cheeseboy22: I always make it a point to become friends with babies. That's free cake once a year for a lifetime.