@robdelaney: My wife claims watching me do karate "isn't foreplay." Why am I even alive.
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@thenoahkinsey: I shouldn't play with Legos? It says "Ages 7 & Up". 30 is higher than 7. Instead of calling me immature, you need to go take a math class.
@Tmoney68: [Job Interview] Boss: What's your biggest weakness? Me: *pulls laminated card out & hands it to him* Card: "My over-preparedness."
@pixelatedboat: When I die, PLEASE don't bury me in a fancy suit. That happened to a guy I knew and it turned him into a skeleton.