@Mike_Vanatta: My wife complains that I never open the car door for her, but when I do she's all, "Stop it, you're driving too fast! We're on a bridge!"
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@just1fool: My dog wouldn't shut up so I told him I killed the mailman. He was jealous but proud of me.
@TheIronSherk: If my ex had an autobiography it would be called "Mein Cramps" What, did you NOT SEE that one coming?
@MableGertrude: Things were different in the 80s one time I was kidnapped for a week and no one looked for me. I came home & my room was converted to a gym.
@TheDairylandDon: A friend lectured me about going to see Star Wars alone, because "that's weird." As if chastising a grown man in a cloak is some normal shit