@BradBroaddus: My wife completely ignores me when she watches Grey's Anatomy......so I ordered the first 5 seasons.
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@delusionaliam: Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Give a fish a man, and it'll eat for weeks!
@iwearaonesie: *kidnapper calls to make his demands but my kid keeps interrupting him to ask if he wants to see his fidget spinner*
@jergarl: I wanna join a gang so I can get in a street fight with a rival gang and intimidatingly snap my fingers to a clever song about friendship.
@hoedeehoe: 1st date: (don't let her know how self centered you are) Me: what's your favorite thing that I've said so far tonight?