@partlyfunny: My wife does this cute thing. She sets her alarm clock an hour before she has to get up and then hits snooze 27 times. It's so adorable.
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@wilw: I accidentally inhaled some soap when I was washing my face and then I coughed and no bubbles came out. Cartoons are full of shit.
@TheToddWilliams: Man: You've been very loyal but it's best we part ways Dog: I don't understand. What's the problem? Man: Your talking kinda freaks me out.
@kimtopher22: I saw death today, in the face of the man at the next table, as I heard his wife say "I don't know, do you THINK I look fat?"