@partlyfunny: My wife does this cute thing. She sets her alarm clock an hour before she has to get up and then hits snooze 27 times. It's so adorable.
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@dmc1138: This new flavor of Pringles is horrible. First of all, they aren't even cut up. Secondly, they taste like tennis balls.
@alexisthenedd: trump may have a point about video game violence, ever since skyrim came out i've been climbing to high elevations and shouting bears off of cliffs and i don't think it's a coincidence
@UncleDuke1969: Her: What do you do? Me: Global prosthetics distribution. Her: You’re an artificial limb salesman? Me: I prefer ‘international arms dealer’.
@DaddyJew: Interviewer: on holiday, what do you miss most about your work? Me: lol I think I'm hearing the question wrong