@Los01001111: My Wife does this cute thing where she says that "actions speak louder than words" and then gets pissed at me for just nodding.
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@SunshineJarboly: not a day goes by that i don't think about dying and then accidentally getting sent to squirrel heaven
@ArfMeasures: [Date's house] ME: I'd love to see u again DATE: That would be nice ME [whispers to her dog] ok what do I do she thinks I'm talking to her
@Kendragarden: If I were gonna give advice about how to survive leaving your phone at home, it would be this: stare at something else. I chose a weird baby
@vladchoc: Hey look, Grandma! You made the cover of "Didn't Make Me Any Cookies Weekly" again. "What good is she to anyone?" it says.