@KentWGraham: My wife doesn't believe that auto correct changed "Yes dear" to "Hell no I'm not picking your mother up from the airport at 1am."
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@robfee: There’s no way the Ninja Turtles would have those ripped abs. You can’t do crunches with a shell attached to your back. Trust me I’ve tried.
@jakob_huber: Just vacuumed for the first time in a really long time and apparently I have hardwood floors?
@BigBec43: There was a spider in my bathroom so I threw the cat at it. The spider is dead but the cat's pretty pissed