@KentWGraham: My wife doesn't believe that auto correct changed "Yes dear" to "Hell no I'm not picking your mother up from the airport at 1am."
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@Papa_Mex: Wow some neighbors really freak out when they wake up on a Sunday morning and find me making myself some pancakes in their kitchen
@Smug_Lemur: Anyone who says living well is the best revenge has clearly never relocated a bat colony while their enemy was at work.
@travisauruss: I think the closest I've come to playing romantic music at a girl's window is when I forgot to turn down "Eye Of The Tiger" at the drivethru
@bea_ker: Hey man, settle an argument for me? "Sure" [handing him a sword] Great, he's just in there