@Adam14: My wife doesn't have a Honey-Do list. She has a Cantaloupe list, which has all the girls I'm not allowed to run away with
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@birbigs: Twitter action film: MAN 1: Follow me. MAN 2: On Twitter? MAN 1: No. Physically, follow me. Or you'll be killed. MAN 2: On Twitter?
@rzarosco: Ask a girl if she wants to dance. If she says yes then start shooting at her feet. Congratulations you are now Yosemite Sam
@krisv_723: Plot twist: I knock on Jehovah's Witnesses doors. "I'd like to talk to you about modern science "