@weinerdog4life: My wife doesn't know this, but for the first 3 years of our marriage I thought we were supposed to share a toothbrush.
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@LipLush1: 30 seconds left on the microwave ~ Women: set table, pour drinks, tweet, talk on the phone ~ Men: do the space shuttle countdown
@LizHackett: Hi, famous people getting DUIs. You know you can probably afford a driver, right? Just a thought.
@slaughthie: Been getting better gas mileage since I decided to turn off my car when I'm crying alone in parking lots.