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@bea_ker: MY WIFE: [donating blood]
ME: That's from both of us
@Skullcat: My corduroy pillow has been making headlines all week.
@SortaBad: Never look at the guy riding a unicycle, you're giving him what he wants
@CarpentersCrack: Ron on Facebook says he hopes to be stuck on a dessert island, so naturally I commented "that sounds delicious".
@PrincessAlexx_: Sending 17 text messages explaining why you're not crazy seems a little counterintuitive.
@kelkulus: If you believe that no great story ever started with someone eating a salad, then you're using the wrong kind of mushrooms.