@thatstings: My wife faked an orgasm, so I faked a mortgage payment
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@Thynebear: *goes to watch youtube vid* BUFFER well okay *lifts weights* *checks again* BUFFER *does steroids* BUFFER "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME"
@Mr_Kapowski: [Grandma's funeral] GIRL: *crying* BOY: Bae, I know what will make you feel better *opens casket to reveal PROM? spelled in carnations*
@ComedicBust: *Blind Date* Her: Ask me anything.. Me: Do you know how to properly layer nachos? Her: Are you seri.. Me: *flips table*
@UnFitz: Bisexuals are lucky. To the rest of us, life is a restaurant where you're allergic to half the items on the menu.