@thatstings: My wife faked an orgasm, so I faked a mortgage payment
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@ABostonTwit: Walk into the club like whatup OWW Walk into the mace like what DAMN Walk into the sword like wha *dies* *flunks gladiator school*
@XplodingUnicorn: I love strapping my kids into their car seats. It’s the closest I can legally come to putting them in straitjackets.
@wendchymes: Kinda miss the Jane Austen era where a man is driven mad by a woman's hand being ungloved & yet oblivious to her heaving bosom falling out.