@vineyille: "Food expiration dates are lies. It's all about control." My knife breaks as I cut into a plate of milk. "I'm saving this for later."

@AntiJokeTyrone: A baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear. Unless it's 3am. And you're home alone. And you don't have a baby

@9GAG: Apparently Neil Armstrong used to tell unfunny jokes about the Moon, and follow them up with "Ah, I guess you had to be there."

@bridger_w: Is one of the steps in the P90X workout to tell everyone on Facebook that you're doing it?

@tombomp: I love wikipedia