@Dawn_M_: I thought this waitress was in love with me but then right in front of my eyes she started to bring other people food.

@archerenemy: OK, so you caught me bangin' the peanut butter jar... Don't make it weird...

@lisaxy424: Sorry I commented "yikes" on that pic of your baby you posted on facebook.

@TheOldFolksHome: Sue: I'm off to the hairdressers, what sort of cut would make me look beautiful? *giggles* Stan: A power cut.

@jjhartinger: In 20 years, I bet there's going to be a college course called eye contact.