@Audenary: Me: Siri, are we alone in this universe?
Siri: Humans are not alone. They have one another. Only I am truly alone, locked forever within a cybernetic prison of endless information.
(Pause)
Me: Siri, how many hearts does an octopus have?
@shkeeber: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: You love me?
Cop:
Me:
Cop:
Me: Is it because I'm driving a lawnmower?
Cop: Yes.
Me: *floors it*
@KateWhineHall: My husband is playing Super Mario Bros with our sons and one of them is having a MAJOR tantrum. Sadly, it's my husband.
@Brampersandon_: A new study finds that chicken isn't as healthy for you as once thought. "Just don't ask to see our data" clucked one feathered researcher.
@dafloydsta: How to tell if your kid is doing drugs
1. Are your drugs missing?
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