@ericsshadow: My wife googled "when is it safe to leave a child at home alone" and now she won't let me stay home alone.
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@kcmoore51: I love getting kisses from my dogs but, I'm starting to worry about the one who keeps trying to give me the slow tongue.
@daemonic3: [spelling bee] JUDGE: Your word is walk "Walk. W-A-L-K. Walk" JUDGE: [pulls off mask to reveal he is a dog] I KNEW IT! *glares at owner*
@Andee_Stewart: The problem w marriage is communication. When I said I hoped he'd go down in a plane I meant more crash & burn, less on the flight attendant
@ItsAndyRyan: "The N stands for number – so no need to say 'PIN number'. "Terribly sorry, I'll start again: 'You're dead if you don't give me your PIN'.