@ericsshadow: My wife googled "when is it safe to leave a child at home alone" and now she won't let me stay home alone.
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@Mostly_Cheese: If someone stole my identity I would be like, "Haha now you have no money and you're bad at basketball."
@Kamikaze_Blonde: "Why would anyone lie on the internet?" I asked, as Hugh Jackman carried me to the bedroom.
@daemonic3: Me: Hi, what's a good school binder for my 10yo girl here? Clerk: Trapper Keeper? Me: Haha, no, she's my own daughter.