@rcromwell4: My wife had me take out more life insurance and now there's no grip left on the bath mat. Weird.
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@amelialikesyou: In conclusion, members of the board, I'm sorry I brought the wrong USB, & thank you for your feigned interest in my sesame street PowerPoint
@danjan13: Hey yea man, send me that YouTube link. I'm definitely gonna watch it and not just default send back "lol" after a few minutes.
@Elizasoul80: [At auto store] Employee: How can we get you to walk out of here with 4 tires? "Sir, you are wildly overestimating my strength."