@markhoppus: MY WIFE HAS, AFTER A 14 MONTH LONG IN-DEPTH INVESTIGATION, FOUND NO EVIDENCE THAT I TOOK THE LAST LA CROIX FROM THE REFRIGERATOR THAT SHE WAS SAVING FOR AFTER HER WORKOUT EVEN THOUGH IT WAS CLEARLY LABELED "MARK DON'T DRINK THIS YOU IDIOT."
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@illuminatedwndr: I think global warming is real because you hardly see The Penguin on episodes of Batman anymore
@Eoisit: If no amount of evidence will ever change your mind on an issue, then as Einstein said: "You've been given a large brain by mistake."
@MaverickBistro: Cop: We're sorry to tell you but it looks like your wife was run over by a tractor Husband: Well yeah, but she has a great personality