@Social_Mime: My wife has literally everything in her purse. Today I needed tissues, a hammer, peanut butter and dice and she had 2 of each.
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@_SingleBabyMama: Me: *Reaches over, cuts up food, says "open wide" & starts making airplane noises* Guy: *stunned silence* -Single Mama on a date
@CallousBalzac: Boss: How is the project coming along? Me:*closing browser of sick kick flip videos* Totally rad...icalizing our sales data analysis, Sir.
@ewws13: Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six hour argument takes talent.
@R0ckG0d88: If Target didn't want anyone singing "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" into a hairbrush they shouldn't have it playing over the store intercom.