@GrantTanaka: My wife & I play this sexy game where she dresses up like a schoolgirl, then I dress up like a schoolgirl then we sit down & learn fractions
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@MelvinofYork: I used to have to read my kids a bedtime story every single night until I started randomly killing off characters to amuse myself.
@GrantTanaka: On your deathbed tell everyone "pray for me" then make sure to leave a note to be opened after you die that says "pray harder next time"
@cosminaut: I'm pretty big on body art *pulls up sleeve to reveal tattoo of a hoof with "Hoof-arted" written underneath*
@causticbob: When your prospective father-in-law asks:"Why do you ask for my daughters hand in marriage?" Do NOT say:"Because I am tired of using my own"