@GrantTanaka: My wife & I play this sexy game where she dresses up like a schoolgirl, then I dress up like a schoolgirl then we sit down & learn fractions
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@TheAlexNevil: Me: Do you have any three tiered wedding cakes? Baker: But of course! When do you need it by? M: No, I'll just eat it here.
@EricGoldie: I politely asked a woman on my flight if she could put her kid in the overhead compartment & she looked at me like I was crazy or something.
@BMCarbaugh: At my funeral, I want the organist to start playing "Pop Goes the Weasel" really slowly, until everyone is staring at the coffin in dread