@ericsshadow: My wife & I went to a costume party as each other. She walked around pointing at things, asking how much they cost. I showed up 2 hrs late.
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@lilgapeach30: If my co-worker says ValenTIMES one more time, I'ma need one of you to make good on the "I'll help you hide a body" promise.
@KalvinMacleod: [pearly gates] ANGEL: bad jokes are not allowed in heaven ME: ok ANGEL: that means absolutely no puns ME: abSOULutely *clouds turn to fire*
@BoogTweets: *Flicks cigarette after a long drag* Here’s the thing, kids. Wolves don’t have lips so they can’t blow at all. That wolf was framed.
@Book_Krazy: [Spelling bee] Your word is Monogamous. M-O-N-O-T-O-N-O-U-S *2 Judges stare at each other* 1st judge *nods* 2nd judge: "We'll allow it"