@ericsshadow: My wife & I went to a costume party as each other. She walked around pointing at things, asking how much they cost. I showed up 2 hrs late.
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@ericsshadow: My wife googled "when is it safe to leave a child at home alone" and now she won't let me stay home alone.
@DumbConfessions: Psychologist: Go to your happy place. Me: *grabs car keys* Psychologist: Where are you going? Me: The liquor store.