@ericsshadow: My wife & I went to a costume party as each other. She walked around pointing at things, asking how much they cost. I showed up 2 hrs late.
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@ilovepie84: I always get "never shake a baby" and "cats always land on their feet" mixed up. Anyways I need a lawyer.
@UncleBob56: Came downstairs to watch the game and the channel had changed. Looked at the dog, he looked back, then slowly slid his paw off the remote.
@osigat: <- I've been drinking for almost 6 hours. If you see something wash up on shore that looks like this, please identify me.
@troublewinks: Officer: You drinking? Me: You buying? Oh how we laughed and laughed.... PS: I need bail money.