@Parentpains: My wife is acting like giving me the silent treatment for four days is a bad thing.
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@seamusmckracken: If you're hitting the gas every time she tries to open the passenger side door, remember, the 8th time is always the funniest.
@angibangie: I missed my calling in advertising. "Chocolate diamonds, for when you want your expensive jewelry to look like actual shit."
@T_N_Crumpets: Judge: how do you plead? Me: [looks at lawyer] Lawyer: [mouths "not guilty"] Me: hot milky L: *bangs head on desk* FFS just lock him up
@bingowings14: Are we Thor yet? Are we Thor yet? Are we Thor yet? Are we Thor yet? - How to annoy an Avenger when you're on a road trip.