@novicefather: My wife is addicted to goji berries but I wish she was addicted to something cheaper like cocaine.
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@mishakey: 4 out of 5 experts agree that when you put any 5 experts together, 4 out of 5 of them will agree.
@TheRolo: I ran out of coffee this morning, beer seemed like an acceptable replacement. Everyone is so pretty today.
@AnotherFunnyGuy: If something rolls off of my plate... I eat it first, as punishment for trying to run away.