@hazelmotes1: My wife is all, "we love each other so much we finish each other's sentences," until it comes to a prison sentence.
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@jergarl: 89% of being a parent is telling my kids to put on shoes before we leave the house and then getting in the car wearing my slippers.
@Pierre__4: If I was a girl my best friend would have to come untangle me at least twice a week because I tried to take my bra off through my sleeve
@sara_ashlynn: My husband is out w/friends & I'm at home w/the kids. I'm going to sprinkle Legos under the covers on his side of the bed.
@juliussharpe: I have the Anne Hathaway "It came true!" reaction whenever the guy at Subway hands me my sandwich.