@hazelmotes1: My wife is all, "we love each other so much we finish each other's sentences," until it comes to a prison sentence.
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@Thynebear: I imagine Hell is just a place where you watch a montage of people's hands you've shook that didn't wash them after they used the bathroom.
@WheelTod: [Office meeting] *I stride in, straddle a chair: Yo Guys. Listen up Boss: Turn around Frank. We can't hear you when you're facing the wall
@secondofhername: The downside of studying law: you think a lawsuit is the solution to all problems. *resists from threatening Dominos for not giving oregano*