@hazelmotes1: My wife is all, "we love each other so much we finish each other's sentences," until it comes to a prison sentence.
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@junejuly12: Just heard a woman ask if she left her teeth over there Really hoping this is Halloween related
@theshamingofjay: A group of lions is called a pride. A group of my family members is called an embarrassment
@jlock17: Remember when all bombs looked like a black bowling ball with a giant wick in the top? Yep, simpler times.
@HeidiCF8: I put my pants on like everyone else... As the cop taps on the glass and shines his high beam in my face.