@Cheeseboy22: My wife is always like, "You answer the door, I don't even have my bra on!" and for that reason, I have stopped wearing a bra.
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@peachesanscream: You've seen nothing until you've seen a picture of a pigeon having a job interview to become a pigeon:
@J0hnnyBlaze: How do girls remember every word of an argument? I don't remember what I had for dinner and I'm eating it now
@djdarrellripley: Him: I'll pay for dinner. Me: I want to pay. Him: I'll feel better if you let me pay. Me: Well, if your health is involved, go ahead...
@KeetPotato: mailman: ahhh nothing quite like returning home from a long day delivering m- [gets attacked by his own dog]