@IntoxicaTweeted: My wife is constantly hiding things where they belong.
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@GrowlyGrego: Hypothetically, when is the right time to tell your divorce attorney that you've never been married and you love spending time with him?
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Airline just told my GF she has too much baggage & they've only known her a couple of minutes.
@BlindChow: Cop: Freeze! Suspect: Try and catch me! *dives into Olive Garden's bottomless pasta bowl* Rookie: We gotta go after him! Cop: No. He's gone.