@VaguelyFunnyDan: My wife is enjoying the attention I've been giving her lately & though painting a phone on her face is inconvenient, it's saved our marriage
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@oldmanweldon: A bee is willing to end it's own life just to cause you a tiny amount of pain. I can relate to that level of pettiness.
@Reverend_Scott: Have you decided on dinner? "Yes, I'll have the chicken, grilled." Very good. *hears waiter yelling at chicken* WHERE WERE YOU LAST TUESDAY
@Paxochka: I'm not taking the Democrat convention seriously until someone starts talking to a table.
@MmeJey: Sliding my tongue in every hole not breaking eye contact with deli clerk is why they kicked me out & won't let me buy Swiss cheese anymore.