@Brianhopecomedy: My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
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@SaraMansford: I wish scientists could make us as indestructible as cartoons. I've got a list of people I'd like to drop an anvil on.
@Brampersandon_: GIRL: Dad, I want you to meet my boyfriend DAD: Your bf is a bald eagle? BALD EAGLE: *adjusting toupee* I'm just a regular eagle actually