@Brianhopecomedy: My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
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@mattZillaaaa: A great way to get a cw to stop talking to you permanently is to start clipping your toenails in the middle of their story
@adamjest: *makes doctors appointment* *arrives 20 minutes early* *waits in doctors office for 7 hours*
@JessicaVarsity: If someone doesn't respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don't love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly.
@tweetofclay: That's so nice of Activia to offer a money back guarantee. Am I supposed to send them pictures of myself not shitting?