@Brianhopecomedy: My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
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@Brampersandon_: [Me]: What's a snowman's favorite drink? [Bartender]: idk [Me]: Brrrr-bon lol [Bartender]: ... [Me]: jk snowmen don't drink they aren't real
@natedeschaine: How disturbingly inappropriate would it be if "Thomas the Tank Engine" was set in early-1940s Germany? #ThomasDieKleineLokomotive
@RxitWounds: OPEN UP THIS IS THE COPS What's the magic word? [Cut to them back at the station writing on a chalkboard with dozens of words crossed off]
@Angrea: Some things you recycle, some you throw away. For example: Paper & plastic you recycle. Opportunities, love and your future you throw away.