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@shanethevein: My wife is playing hard to get.
@o__0Dev: My boss really hates that I shortened his name to Dick.... Especially since his name is Steve
@m0mjawn: took the kids to the park so they could beat each other up in the fresh air
@robfee: Paper towel ads always show kids making huge messes then mom smiles & cleans it up. My mom would've handed me a mop then beat me with a belt
WIFE: Where the hell are u?
ME: Well u know that jewellers where u saw that ring u wanted?
M: I'm in a bar not far from there