@Brianhopecomedy: My wife is scrolling through Netflix to see what shows I watched between now and when she asked me to vacuum. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.
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@novicefather: My toddler fell, smashed his face into the cement, then played it off like he was giving the ground a kiss. No DNA test necessary.
@CauseWereGuys: The name CONstitution sounds so negative. Since 'pro' is the opposite of 'con' we should call it prosti..... oh wait.
@Zoozich: I just really hate it when people start assuming things.nnnJust like my boss he assumes that I'm working just because I came to work today.
@batkaren: What if life on Earth is just a video game for gods, and my guy has the crappy controller?