@dshack8: My wife is so married that she even stopped blowing out the candles on her birthday cake cause she doesn't want me gettin' any ideas.
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@KelFocker: I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you're not using?"
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: What did you get me for Mother's Day? 3-year-old: A cake. Wife: Where is it? 3: You haven't made it yet.
@NotKarma: Found $10 in a pants pocket. It was awkward though because someone was still wearing it.
@wimpsicle: How you doin' Jerusalem! "WINE" Here's a new tric- "MAKE WINE" Please, I've been working very hard on my routi- *dodges stone jars of water*