@DukEB51: My wife is such a bad cook,if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
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@weinerdog4life: How to make friends: Put your clothes on backwards so people don't notice you walking up to them.
@Robert_Beau: Boss: You gonna get any work done today? Me: Sorry Boss, I was up late watching the game, I'll pick it up. B: Who won? M: Jack Daniels
@SortaBad: Taco Bell manager: I'm sorry, you didn't get the job. It's your drug test Me: so you mean... Manager: yes, you passed. Get high & re-apply