@JustASmirk: My wife is the most beautiful, intelligent person standing right behind me reading my Twitter feed.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Cpin42: Before murdering someone ask yourself: Am I justified? Will I find forgiveness? Did I pay for the shovel in cash?
@90spideypool: when you're jamming to an old-school r&b song and someone older than you ask "what you know about this?" me:
@Diversion50: [solicitor reading my will] "He [takes off glasses & pinches bridge of nose], He wants to donate his arm to the drummer from Def Leppard".
@shashaintl: 10 year old: What was it like? Me: What was what like? 10: Being alive in the 1900's? Me: Go to your room.