@robdelaney: My wife just asked me why she came home to find marinara sauce all over our sleeping baby's head. Sorry babe, I'M NOT A DETECTIVE.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@DanMentos: "Hey girl wanna go out Saturday night?" No thanks I have a previous engagement "I'm cool with that, hell I've been married like 6 times"
@JasonLastname: Show your neighbor they shouldn't park their boat outside of their house by filling it with two of every animal.
@shawnspree: To catch a woman, one must think like a woman. *places glass of wine, and Channing Tatum dvd on mouse trap