@papasuncle: My wife just opened a bottle of wine so my chances of getting laid just went from 0 to 750ml.
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@eedrk: ME: ppl call dogs "doggo" now. i guess its a meme, i dont get it THERAPIST: this is $200/hr. do you want to talk about anything else? ME: no
@Dani_Feld: Me: I wish for a lightsaber. Genie: Be realistic. Me: Ok, I wish for a boyfriend. Genie: Would you like your lightsaber in blue or green?
@SteveKoehler22: Wait ... "El Chapo" is a Mexican drug lord .... and not the guy who's been stealing our Chapsticks for years ?
@weinerdog4life: Side effects may include: upset stomach, diarrhea, some wolves will chase you, like 6-12 wolves, it's ok