@papasuncle: My wife just opened a bottle of wine so my chances of getting laid just went from 0 to 750ml.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@XplodingUnicorn: [breaking up yet another fight] Me: Why do you always fight with your sisters? 6-year-old: Because I always win.
@imteddybless: haha how about we make a pact if we're both single in 6 seconds we get married?? haha look how nervous u are. times runnin out tho
@markydoodoo: At my funeral I want a dozen white doves released. Then shot down. Then buried with me. It'll be confusing af. Can't wait.
@theshamingofjay: If you're religious you dont get to pick & choose "You shall not make for yourself an idol" That Disney sticker means you're going to hell