@jus4golf: My wife just said we should have another baby. I hope she didn't mean together.
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@murrman5: *sniffs date's hair* [later on in ambulance] "no, it's my fault for not mentioning I'm allergic to japanese cherry blossoms"
@jordan_stratton: I don't want to be cremated when I die. I want my body thrown on a group of unsuspecting, cocky teens in a haunted house.
@Blunt_Sarcastic: When coming out of any coma, try keeping your eyes shut for another day or two to see what everyone's saying about you.