@Xalqee: My wife just sent me a text " I just bought you the best Christmas present! xox :)" .....I hope she misspelled Xbox
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@markleggett: I just whispered "Come at me, bro" to a bug and it ran towards me, so now I'm in my car driving away from my old life.
@squirrel74wkgn: A haunted house would be pretty scary if it was filled with light switches that accidentally turned on the garbage disposal.
@mostunladylike: [Record Shop] Me: Hi, have you got anything by the Doors? Shopkeeper: No, we have to keep all exits clear in case of emergencies.
@GaryJanetti: I hope one day to have the chance to whisper "what's she doing here?" to the person next to me at a funeral.