@Xalqee: My wife just sent me a text " I just bought you the best Christmas present! xox :)" .....I hope she misspelled Xbox
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@lloydrang: By age 30, most men have found that one special hairstyle they want to spend the rest of their life with.
@flashember: [Morning after wedding] *dead husband lies on bed* PRAYING MANTIS: [On phone] Mom *sobs* it happened again MOM: Ok hurry up and eat his body
@bryanmcc74: Finally I have an excuse for getting fat, heard on radio about girl who been eating in her sleep ... That's it, I've got that !
@Reverend_Scott: WIFE: What are you doing? ME: IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE WIFE: You're teaching the dog karate? ME: Then it's exactly what it looks like.